my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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