He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
