i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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