standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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