Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize