Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
