addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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