Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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