if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
