We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
