I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
