thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
