Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
