I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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