the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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