So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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