i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
