You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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