Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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