took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
