He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
