break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
