Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
