I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
