trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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