I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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