woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
