Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
