Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
