Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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