Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
