Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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