We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
