a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
