i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
