So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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