I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
