we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
