just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
