Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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