please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
