weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
