I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I met the friendliest cop last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
