Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
