You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize