I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
