you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
