I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
