I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
