my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
