I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
