your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
