dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
