Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
