I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
