I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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