3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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