You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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