official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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