I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
