I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
