She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
