Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
